What Your Halloween Costume Really Says About You

I grew up in a small town where up until the tenth grade my idea of a fun Friday night was playing dress up with my girlfriends and going to the local grocery store. We would buy whipped cream and cookie dough and then go to someone’s house and binge eat while watching reruns of The OC and chatting with boys on MSN.  Since this type of behaviour is no longer socially acceptable, it’s no wonder I get so excited for October 31st.  Halloween is the one night a year I can combine two of my favourite past times (playing dress up & eating junk food) and not be considered some sort of weird social outcast.

spice girls

{ Friday night circa 2006 before going to Sobey’s dressed as the Spice Girls }

With so many different costume ideas in mind, and all my girlfriends dressing up as something completely different from one another I have decided to breakdown the different Halloween costume categories, and uncover what these costumes really say about you.  Hopefully this will guide you, inspire you or at least save you from a Halloween costume catastrophe.

The Disney Princess

You are at that transition point in your life when you’re, in the words of everyone’s favourite trainwreck popstar, “not a girl, not yet a woman” (Artist: Britney Spears, Album: Britney, Year: 2001, #DUH).  You’re working 9 to 5, cooking meals, and paying your own cell phone bill, but still wishing you lived at home with your parents.  You’re sweet, innocent, and still hanging on to your childhood if only for just one more night

cinderella whatever

The English Major

You’re the girl who wears 7 nametags (Identity Crisis), covers herself in sponges (Self-Absorbed) or wears a cereal box splattered with fake blood (Serial Killer) as her costume.  You use Halloween as an opportunity to showcase your intellectual superiority and witty sense of humour but you’ll end up spending half the night explaining your costume to people, and the other half rolling your eyes, sipping pumpkin flavoured craft beer, and using words no one understands like austerity and profligate #huh?

The Hairless Feline

You’re that girl who uses Halloween as an excuse to wear risqué lingerie, animal print and some form of cat/tiger/leopard ears.  You’re also probably the girl who wears makeup to the gym, says things like bae and ratchet, and posts duck face selfies captioned with inspirational Marilyn Monroe quotes

Regina-George-Mean-Girls-Halloween-GIF

The Politically Incorrect

Unfortunately you missed the social sensitivity seminar and showed up at the party dressed as an “Indian”, “Anna-Rexia” or in black face.  Eating disorders, ethnicity and race aren’t costumes. No matter the current cultural climate, you can’t divorce the history of racism attached to something like blackface or cultural appropriation*. You’re better than that girlfriend #keepitclassy

The Pop Culture Icon

You’re the @LaineyGossip of your friend group, always know the latest celebrity gossip and saw every meme, vine, and YouTube video before it went viral.  You keep up with all 136 members of the Kardashian-Jenner-West-Odom-Disick klan, consider E! News actual news, and saw Bennifer’s separation coming like 3 years ago.   You know North West is soo 2013, this Halloween it’s all about Kim Kardashian’s Break the Internet moment, Tom Brady and his deflated football, and Taylor Swift and her #GIRLSQUAD in the Bad Blood music video

Redhead-Bad-Blood-Taylor

The Soccer Mom

If you’re the girl who shows up at a Halloween party dressed up as a witch, vampire, Frankenstein, skeleton or ghost people should avoid you at all cost.  You are obviously super boring, have no sense of humour, and probably want to talk about tax reform or politics #snooze.  These costumes are only okay for soccer moms who live in the suburbs and are handing out candy to trick-or-treaters, and even then they’re still super lame

The Cady Heron

Halloween is your favourite night of the year; you love to tell ghost stories, drag your friends to haunted houses and give trick-or-treaters nightmares.  You’re confident and fun, but like, seriously get away from me you’re terrifying.

cady-heron

The Pinterest-ed

You’re creative, crafty and basically the DIY Queen.  You’ve been planning this costume for months and can’t wait to show everyone what you can do with a little papier-mâché and a glue gun.  You also are probably one of those overachievers who like make their bed every morning and remember to take their birth control

Have a safe & happy Halloween everyone!

*http://www.teenvogue.com/story/no-blackface-halloween-costumes

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